


goodbye by-stander

by grandmas_ghost (nap_princess)



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Character Death, F/M, Juvia my Queen, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/grandmas_ghost
Summary: It's the little things / "Tell Juvia you believe," / He reels her in– Gruvia, modern angst AU





	goodbye by-stander

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [D (half moon)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/388013) by Dean. 
  * Inspired by [The Night We Met](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/388016) by Lord Huron. 
  * Inspired by [Your Song](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/388017) by Sam Kim. 



** good-bye bystander **

* * *

 I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you,  
Take me back to the night we met,  
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

– **Lord Huron** , _The Night We Met_

* * *

 깜깜하면 등대가 되어줄게

– **Sam Kim** , _Your Song_

* * *

 

* * *

It's the little things that gets to Juvia Lockser. The little things that remind her of Gray Fullbuster.

Just the other day, the blue haired woman found a lighter caught in-between the cushions of the living room sofa. She uncaps it, despite the fact that she doesn't smoke or own any candles to light. It's an old thing, that lighter of his, smooth and silver.

It reminds her of days he'd excuse himself to smoke on cold Winter days to warm up his lungs. It reminds her of the smell of him, of burnt things and cologne. It reminds her of the kisses they shared, the taste of menthol, cool and refreshing.

She closes the cap before quickly putting it away to the farthest corner in an unused drawer. She doesn't dare light it or dare to reminder herself more of him.

* * *

She talks to the moon on days she can't talk to him. Because (1) cheesy romance movies have shaped her too much for her to turn around and abandon this cliche habit and (2) it's better than just talking to herself.

* * *

On nights that she can't look at the sky, she regardlessly turns and faces the window. While lying in bed, she tries counting the streetlights until she falls asleep. Often, it works. But most times, she thinks of him and wakes up with tear stained cheeks.

* * *

"He's dead." Someone had once said to her. "He's dead, Juvia. It's been ages. It's been _a year_. You need to face the facts. You _need_ to move on."

Because why else wouldn't Gray be home and by her side? What other reason could there be for him to leave her like this – all heartbroken and lonely and sad.

But, Juvia wants to argue. BUT, they didn't find the body. They said he died at sea. One night. One _terrible_ night out fishing with his father, an old tradition that no one could ever, _would ever_ , think would turn the lives of those close to Gray upside-down.

* * *

"You should move out," Gajeel had said to Juvia. No, wait. Or was it Lucy? Levy, perhaps? Heck, everyone was concern about her. Juvia wouldn't be surprised if twelve-year-old Wendy would have told her that. "I hate to see you like this; stuck in this big house all by yourself."

_It's not a big house or some house or **just** a house in general._ Juvia had remembered thinking while faking a smile. _It's our house. It's Gray-sama and Juvia's house._

She brings up the cup of tea to her mouth. It's far too hot for her to drink but she drinks it anyways to avoid talking. Despite enduring the burn on her lips and aching heart, she does manage to say, "Thank you for your concern,"

* * *

"Juvia wants to be Gray-sama's lighthouse." Juvia had once told. She says this to the only person who is still left believing like her. "She wants to guide him back from the sea. He's been lost for too long."

She looks at Natsu. The same Natsu Dragneel who's just as stubborn as Juvia is to ever give up on Gray.

Natsu hums lowly as if he lacked the energy or cheerfulness to speak. He responses by pulling his red hoodie over his head. He must be so tired of thinking of his dead-yet-also-not-dead-because-Natsu-refuses-to-believe-Gray-is-dead best friend.

"Juvia wants to lead him home." She adds. She waits. One second. Then two then five then ten. "Does Natsu-san not want to talk?"

"Do you think we're dumb?" Natsu asks instead of answering Juvia's question.

Juvia presses her mouth together, "P – Pardon?"

Natsu sighs. It's long and depressing, not aimed for anyone. He rephrases his words. "Do you think we're dumb for thinking that striper Gray is still alive?"

Juvia grabs Natsu's hands. She looks at him. Intense blue against dulling green. She refuses to let the light die in his eyes. All Gray has is two people left in the world believing he's still okay. Lucy gave up. Levy gave up. Erza did too after six months of being strong. Heck, even Gray's own father, Silver, gave up. But Juvia refuses to let Natsu fall into that pit too. No. No way. No _fucking_ way.

"No," Juvia says. "Where's Natsu-san's spirit? Where's that undying fire of his? Tell Juvia Natsu-san is not giving up. Tell Juvia –"

Juvia swallows because she suddenly realizes that she's crying. Her vision is all blurry and she can barely speak. How can she when her lungs feel crushed? She fights the feeling of collapsing. She fights harsh reality and cruel truths.

She begs the pink haired man before her.

.

.

.

"Tell Juvia you believe."

* * *

"Hey, Ju."

Gray's voice speaks on the old voice message. Recorded just a day before the accident. It's been a few years old now. Juvia doesn't think she can hold on any longer. She thinks it's time to let go. Yet, it's the small things that reels her back in, like his fishing pole cast out. Even when he's dead, he manages to hook onto her and pull her back. Gray sounds so happy with his last words said.

"Listen, I'm sorry about our fight yesterday night. You can decorate the house however you want. Any style. Just promise me you won't go too crazy, okay? I really am sorry."

The sound of the signal light from the car ticks in the background.

"I'll be back tomorrow." He tells her, a lie. "I was thinking, let's go to that new restaurant that opened around Saint Ignatius's road, yeah? We can catch a movie after that. I know our date nights are usually Friday but I feel like –" Gray lets out a laugh, it's strong and deep. It makes Juvia smile and ache all the same. He composes himself before continuing his words. "– I feel like I suddenly miss you a lot despite seeing you hours ago. Weird, I know. But ..." His sentence dies. "Anyways, I'll see you soon."

_No, you won't._ Juvia thinks. That reminder makes her miss him even more.

Juvia remembers that day. She didn't even get to say good-bye to him because she had to hurry off to work. She didn't get to see his face or give him a kiss on the lips. She just remembers going to bed fussy about the curtains. She remembers being such a child about it. Curtains. God damn, _curtains_. How could she ever put that over her love for Gray?

"Anyways," Gray clears his throat, repeating himself. "I love you, Juvia."

* * *

 

* * *

**end**  

**Author's Note:**

> Gray's dead like me though I'm more dead tired. While Gray drowned at sea, I drowned in tears of joy because I finally understand what the hell I'm writing about for my essay. Here's a lame attempt for a gift.
> 
> – 6 January 2018


End file.
